Has it come to this? It obviously fucking has, hasn't it? A man can't take a photo of his daughter in a public place without drawing attention to himself as a terrorist, a paedo or a fucking weirdo of some sorts. What utter, utter bullshit...
 I mean what the fuck did the staff on the counter report to the security guards?
'We have a suspicious man here, who has evidently just bought his daughter an ice cream and is now taking pictures of her on our stand that is obviously meant as an attractive place to eat it in an otherwise dull shopping mall. HE MUST BE A FUCKING PAEDO RAPIST TERRORIST! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!'
Can we have a bit of fucking common sense, please? No..? Then go back to bed Britain.. you have officially been stripped of the title 'Great'.
If anything, he can thank fuck he's white... if he would have been any other flavour than vanilla, the Armed Police would have been there in a flash and he would've been shot in the face. No questions asked.


Ignoring the fact that my copy of Dishonored didn't arrive on time, and still hasn't, a quick note:

These fuckwits who purposely spell the title of the game with a U when talking about it on forums are actually stupid, and here's why.

It doesn't matter if your country of origin spells the word "dishonoured" with a U or not. I spell honour and dishonour with a U; I'm British. I'm supposed to. But the title of this game is "Dishonored". It doesn't have a U in it. That's the title of the game. Therefore, that is how it is spelled. If a game is called D1SH0N0RED, with the numbers, wouldn't you spell it that way? What if a game is entitled something that incorporates bad spelling in the title, eg: Killa Beez? You wouldn't call the game Killer Bees, would you? No, because the game is entitled Killa Beez! 

You people who insist on spelling it "Dishonoured" are fucking anally retarded. End of.

Poll Of The Day

You guys seen that? What a loaded fuckin' question.

"Which award would you like to see on your mantle?". The answers were four TV/movie based awards and one writing award. Considering that this is a writing website, which do you think got the most votes?

Dumb. Very dumb. I picked "Oscar" just to fuck with them.

Seriously, why weren't any of the NOBEL prizes listed as options? 

Frigging Amazon!
You are now connected to Dawn from Amazon.co.uk.
Me:I pre-ordered Dishonored yesterday, it was supposed to arrive today, and it didn't. I paid for the release-day delivery option. What gives?
Dawn:Hello, my name is Dawn. I’m sorry to hear about this. I'll be happy to look into this for you. First of all, can you please verify the name on your account?
Dawn:Brilliant, thanks
Me:The name for receiving items is the same as our credit card, we use my wife's credit card; her name is XXXXXXX X XXXXX.
Dawn:This is in relation to order #026-0654384-0347512 for "Dishonored (Xbox 360)"?
I'm a bit miffed, to be honest.
Dawn:I understand and I'm sorry about this.
I can see it was dispatched via Royal Mail for guaranteed delivery today. I'll certainly refund the delivery costs.
Unfortunately, we do not have any tracking information for this order however it seems that your order is slightly delayed.
Me:[Insert expletive here] Any idea where it is? My friends got their copies today, they live in the same town as me. It's all very weird.
My friends think I'm some kind of attention-seeking liar. I NEED this game.
Dawn:As we have no tracking I can't confirm the whereabouts of it at all. I can only advise that it has been dispatched with Royal Mail. If you do need the game at the moment, you could purchase this elsewhere and return this one when it arrives for a full refund.
Dawn:But before we can take any further action, we would have to ask that you kindly wait until the 18th of October to receive this.
Let me get this correct, just so I don't make any mistakes.
Dawn:We fully expect Royal Mail to deliver this order by that point they may even deliver this tomorrow.
It's just we can't confirm this as we don't have tracking
Me:And why not?
I have to ask.
Because it's YOUR company that shipped it out.
Dawn:If parcels are going with Royal Mail they are not always dispatched with tracking information.
Me:I'm trying to wrap my head around all this.
It's difficult, because as a loyal Amazon customer, I've had little-to-no problem with my orders prior to this point.
So let me get it straight in my head. Your advice to me is, wait until the 18th of October, and if it hasn't arrived by then I'm screwed. Meanwhile, I should spend ANOTHER 40 quid on this game and return the copy I bought from you IF it actually arrives. Is this correct?
Dawn:If your game hasn't arrive by the 18th of October we can either replace or refund the game
If you need the game now and could purchase it elsewhere you can certainly return the one you receive from us for a refund
These are the only options we have at this time
Me:It doesn't exactly inspire confidence in Amazon.
Anyway, if you could refund the one-day delivery charge, I'd definitely be grateful for THAT, at least.
Dawn:I'll certainly get that refunded for you
Is there anything else I can assist you with at the moment?
Me:Unless you can magically produce this game that I've been looking forward to for 8 months, probably not.
But thanks for your help, anyway
Dawn:No problem, I'm sorry I couldn’t have been of more help with this situation.
Me:No worries. Thanks. See ya.

I am not a happy bunny
So, for those who don't know, Dishonored is a stealth game set in a fictional steampunk/whalepunk city, where you do lots of horrible things to people with sharp objects, amongst other things.

I pre-ordered the damn game and it was promised to be delivered to me at my flat on the day of release, which is today here in the UK.

It never fucking arrived.

This....angers me. To make matters worse, what did arrive is a copy of a game I ordered three weeks ago that I totally forgot about....and doesn't work in any case.

like Deus Ex: Invisible War, even though many don't, but it doesn't fucking work, and I am not happy.

Dishonored had better arrive tonight, because if it doesn't Amazon is going to suffer.

Piracy is NOT theft.
Here, let me sit you slow-ass motherfuckers down and explain it to you as carefully and patiently as I possibly can.

Theft is the taking of another person’s property without that person’s permission or consent with the intent to deprive the rightful owner of it
If you pirate a game, you do not permanently deprive the owner of the game nor do you take their property. You copy their Intellectual property (IP is not considered property in law, this is why we have a separate law just for copyright called, wait for it, copyright law). This is why piracy is not a criminal offence, it is a civil offence.
And no, you don’t permanently deprive them of money either, because you cannot steal your own money from someone else. Until you complete a sales contract with them, that money is yours and by pirating a game you do not enter a sales contract.
When you pirate a game no crime is being committed, the pirate is not a criminal. A civil offence is being committed, and that civil offence is a breach of copyright.
Think about it: extract your logic to every scenario –
Record a film on VHS or DVD = theft and makes you a criminal
Tape a song off the radio = an arrestable and jailable offence
If we are to have any kind of sensible discussion on the subject, we need to be aware of the facts.
You know that bit at the start of DVD’s for the last 10 years or so which so “helpfully” explains that piracy is theft – pretty much the same as those signs put up which read trespassers will be prosecuted. Nonsense, propaganda and lies designed to scare you from not doing what the copyright owner/landowner doesn’t want you to do. Also a good lesson in life that just because something is printed, written on a sign or placed in a fancy film or advert does not mean the information presented is truthful.

Except what I write here. This shit's the business, yo.


Are you OpenDiary numbnuts, the ones who blindly hero-worship Bruce and spout on and on about how loyal you are to OpenDiary, going to sit there and tell me that you think that having a website that a lot of people pay for be down for two days and counting is acceptable?

You're more fucking deluded than I thought. But by all means, keep paying him. I'm sure that you feel you;re getting your moneys worth.

You do understand that you're getting absolutely nothing out of this, right?

Idiots, the lot of you. Go ahead, throw your cash away.

Okay, so, I'm pretty active on Memebase.com. Someone had left a message on one of the photos saying "You have no idea how much this happens with Portal 3 trailer/gameplay", to which I replied, "Why don't we? Because you're the only one who looks up Portal 3 on youtube?"

Today I check back at the comments, and someone else had linked this:

I lolled about as hard as one can lol without hurting himself.


So this guy got put in jail for twelve weeks for posting a joke about that missing kid on Facebook.

Okay, so it was bad taste. This isn't in dispute. But a fucking jail sentence? For writing things you don't like?

Shit, using that logic, I should be in prison for the rest of my life.

It's not a nice thing to do. It really isn't. But where do you draw the line? What constitutes as "malicious communications"? Does this mean that, if the police and the justice department feel like it, I can be put in prison for writing something they don't like on the internet?

The "joke" was really in bad taste, and maybe he shouldn't have written it. Fine. But putting a man in jail for something like that is crazy. Just ignore the prick, for fucks sake!

I am not defending the acts of a drunk chav knobhead. I'm pretty sure the tosser would be in jail sooner or later no matter what. But putting people in prison for writing things down, whether it's something you agree with or not, is a pretty fascist fucking move. It scares me that the government can do this to people. I will NOT let them control the way I think, the things I believe. 

Because that's what it is; write something we don't want you to write, we will put you in prison. This time, it's a guy making sick jokes about a kid who's gone missing. Next time, they'll be putting you in jail for disagreeing with them. 

Think about this.

Jo Fucking Brand
I hate Jo brand, she is the epitome of everything that I find painfully unfunny in a comedienne. For those that are oblivious as to who this gargoyle is, I will briefly sum her up in the most constructive way I can. Jo Brand is a stand up comedienne that focuses her material solely on pointing out the flaws of the male gender, and talking about her weight in a comedic way. She is like a personification of the opinions of the panel of "Loose Women". Somehow, she manages to appear on panel shows, yet never says anything particularly funny or constructive.
I know that I am probably not part of her audience demographic, but I find myself incensed with rage every time I'm subjected to her mediocre "wit". These are my top reasons for wanting to kick the TV every time her dumpy face appears;

  • Almost 100% of her jokes revolve around male flaws and inadequacies that are so painfully obvious that they aren't worth highlighting. "Last night my husband fell asleep, snored and did a fart....." AND? Oh...that was the punchline, excuse me while my sides split. She is the female equivalent to the working men's club "take my wife" routine, which has never been funny.
  • Trying desperately to appear to not care about her weight. Jo Brand is constantly making references to the amount that she eats, which she believes will appear to be inspiring for other woman that have weight problems. "So last night I had a whole cake, naughty naughty! Next stop my thighs!" YOU GO GIRL. If your weight wasn't an issue then why mention it every five minutes?
  • She feels the need to talk about the issue of sexism and gender equality at any given chance. I have read several interviews with Jo Brand in which she woefully claims that, throughout her career, she has had to fight against the patriarchal nature of the television industry in order to get to where she is now. I respect that in many ways, as she doesn't have the conventional looks that television producers predictably favour...but is it not counter productive for gender equality if she uses her position to relentlessly belittle men? I'm not saying that its not okay to harmlessly poke fun at the obvious differences between the two sexes, but to base your whole career around that....really? Sorry Mrs Brand, you're not part of the solution...you're part of the problem.
I know that women have had a pretty fucking awful time at the hands of men in the past, but I feel absolutely no guilt for this. I was raised to respect women and treat them as my equal, so I am completely unable to relate with her supposed "feminist" rants about the way in which men foolishly objectify and interact with women. Nobody is perfect, and a few sub par fart gags do not make you a feminist icon! Give it a rest!


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